Got my regular face to face group to give Final Girl a go tonight. The results were completely gonzo but still a load of fun.
The entire ridiculous set-up is below, but be aware that unless you’ve been doing the whole geek thing for a long time many of the references will be unfamiliar . . . we’re old & shit.
Our Setting – The 3rd Annual CosPlay CruiseCon. Three days of nonstop pop culture horseplay on a dilapidated cruise ship in the Gulf of Mexico.
Our Killer – A disgruntled fan of the (truly bizarre) 1974 Sean Connery science-fantasy flick ‘Zardoz.’ Disgusted with the mundanity of endless hordes of gender-swapped ‘Slave Leia’ and Iron Man variants, he came to the cruise dressed as Connery’s ‘Zed’ – but armed to kill. His tagline right before each kill was typically ‘Who am I? WHO AM I?”
Our Victims – Cosplayers, of course, but given the inherent silliness of the entire setup, you can imagine what we ended up with:
Frank, the Gender-Swapped Slave Leia (of course) – killed by a falling counterweight.
Caroline, the Painfully Earnest Character from an Anime You’ve Never Heard Of (Windpipe crushed by shuffleboard stick)
Alan, the Aggressively Libertarian Mal Reynolds (Shot with own gun)
Devin, the ‘handsey’ 11th Doctor (Choked with his sonic screwdriver)
Carmine, the Asthmatic “Ookla the Moc” (Shot just as he named the killer’s favorite movie)
Jennifer the Klingon Soccer Mom (Ate a poisoned pizza)
Bill, the mute, creepy mechanical monkey (Shot trying to spell out ‘Z-A-R-D-O-Z’ in Morse code with his cymbals)
Vanessa, the Obnoxious Vegan Steampunk She-Hulk (Shot while trying to clean the blood of another kill off her taught six-pack abs.)
Kathy the Scrawny Slutty Jedi was the final girl. She managed to convince the Killer not to shoot her by offering to watch ‘Zardoz’ together. She either took the fall for the entire affair, took her revenge while the Killer fiddled around with his bootleg (Betamax) copy of ‘Zardoz’ or settled down with him to live happily if weirdly ever after, depending on if you saw the straight-to-DVD, edited for Netflix, or Director’s Cut version of the ending . . .
