I have been going back and forth for several weeks about whether I wanted to share this with the community or not. My instinct was to not share it, because it’s a personal thing, but ultimately I realized I had to, because to not do so would mean coming up with strange, improbable excuses for why my circumstances have changed so dramatically.
My partner of 5+ years and I are taking a break. I made the decision to move out of our apartment in NJ and, in the short term, until I can get things sorted out, I am staying with my folks in Oklahoma. This situation has put a lot of emotional and financial pressure on me, and the last month or so has been pretty chaotic. I am doing my best to figure everything out, to pick up the pieces of my life and move forward, but it’s probably going to take some time. I may not be as available as I always have been in the past. I will almost certainly have to cancel a few commitments I made for this year.
I appreciate the strange, sad irony that I have helped build a community that has caring, positive relationships at its core, but that I have been unable to salvage my own personal, romantic relationship. More than anything, I just feel incredibly isolated. Every day just feels so oppressively hollow. I put on my GM mask or my podcast mask, and everything is fine for a few hours, but then I go back to just feeling like a failure. And that’s the part I can’t shake, that sense of failure.
So anyway, this is where I’m at right now. It’s a tough time, but I’m dealing with it. Just an FYI to the community.
You’re an awesome person, Jason. Not just an awesome GM or an awesome podcaster, you are an awesome person. You’ve done a lot for me, more than you know. I really appreciate you for who you are, not just as a community organizer. Thanks for everything!
You’re an awesome person, Jason. Not just an awesome GM or an awesome podcaster, you are an awesome person. You’ve done a lot for me, more than you know. I really appreciate you for who you are, not just as a community organizer. Thanks for everything!
That’s awful, Jason. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
That’s awful, Jason. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
You are a good person and a good friend Jason. We care about you and your happiness and are here for you.
You are a good person and a good friend Jason. We care about you and your happiness and are here for you.
がんばって！
がんばって！
So much love to you, Jason. You are awesome, and have indeed done so much for me in the scant 5 months of my time with the Gauntlet. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through a difficult, significant change in your life at this time. Please let us know how we can help — and if nothing comes to mind at least know that you have all of my good thoughts. ❤️
So much love to you, Jason. You are awesome, and have indeed done so much for me in the scant 5 months of my time with the Gauntlet. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through a difficult, significant change in your life at this time. Please let us know how we can help — and if nothing comes to mind at least know that you have all of my good thoughts. ❤️
Damn, that’s tough! Hang in there! I’m not sure what I can do to help, but the offer’s there.
Damn, that’s tough! Hang in there! I’m not sure what I can do to help, but the offer’s there.
Jason, this too shall pass. Hang on in there.
Jason, this too shall pass. Hang on in there.
Moments like these are difficult to face. Think it’s safe to say many (if not all of us) have been there at some point and time. It will take a while for it all to sort out, so for now the best we can do is offer our encouragement, support, and virtual hugs. It will take time and we’re here when you need to release some more emotional burdens.
Moments like these are difficult to face. Think it’s safe to say many (if not all of us) have been there at some point and time. It will take a while for it all to sort out, so for now the best we can do is offer our encouragement, support, and virtual hugs. It will take time and we’re here when you need to release some more emotional burdens.
Man, too bad you left NJ… I could have been a friend IRL.
Man, too bad you left NJ… I could have been a friend IRL.
You are great, and you are loved! This is in no way a diagnosis or a claim to fully understand your circumstances, just a tool that has helped me in my darker times: This app uses CBT to help me take a step away from my brain and thoughts, even when they seem all consuming, and identify the patterns my thinking is going through. It is only iOS, unfortunately…
moodnotes.thriveport.com – Moodnotes | Capture your feelings, improve your thinking habits
You are great, and you are loved! This is in no way a diagnosis or a claim to fully understand your circumstances, just a tool that has helped me in my darker times: This app uses CBT to help me take a step away from my brain and thoughts, even when they seem all consuming, and identify the patterns my thinking is going through. It is only iOS, unfortunately…
moodnotes.thriveport.com – Moodnotes | Capture your feelings, improve your thinking habits
Anything people can do to help out the Gauntlet in your stead?
Anything people can do to help out the Gauntlet in your stead?
You have talent, creativity, charisma, and a huge community of supportive and generous people with you. Relationships are just plain difficult. You have every right to be sad and feel the pain of your loss. Sometimes true joy comes from knowing how to face grief with honesty. Just know that you are loved Jason Cordova. You are an inspiration to me. I know many people feel that way about you.
You have talent, creativity, charisma, and a huge community of supportive and generous people with you. Relationships are just plain difficult. You have every right to be sad and feel the pain of your loss. Sometimes true joy comes from knowing how to face grief with honesty. Just know that you are loved Jason Cordova. You are an inspiration to me. I know many people feel that way about you.
I’m sorry to hear that Jason Cordova! It takes a lot of guts to open up about it! After my divorce (15 years ago now) it took me a long time to tell some of my family. If you need anything let us know!
I’m sorry to hear that Jason Cordova! It takes a lot of guts to open up about it! After my divorce (15 years ago now) it took me a long time to tell some of my family. If you need anything let us know!
My sympathies for what you’re going through Jason. Building a relationship with a single person isn’t the same as building one with an ever changing community. I don’t know the details of your relationship, but I do know you to be an intelligent, kind, charismatic fellow so I am pretty sure you weren’t a b-movie villain or a failure. (Warning: upcoming platitudes) Sometimes things just don’t work out. Things will get better.
My sympathies for what you’re going through Jason. Building a relationship with a single person isn’t the same as building one with an ever changing community. I don’t know the details of your relationship, but I do know you to be an intelligent, kind, charismatic fellow so I am pretty sure you weren’t a b-movie villain or a failure. (Warning: upcoming platitudes) Sometimes things just don’t work out. Things will get better.
I’m sorry, and hoping for the best for you. Take care of yourself while you work through it.
I’m sorry, and hoping for the best for you. Take care of yourself while you work through it.
Really sorry to hear that mate.
Really sorry to hear that mate.
Thanks for sharing this. So few people do, but if more of us did, maybe we’d all be less likely to feel like failures when relationships end. Most of us have experienced this kind of loss and know that while your feelings are real and very painful, you are not a failure. Paraphrasing Dan Savage: every relationship will fail, until one doesn’t. Hope things get easier soon and we can help alleviate that isolation you’re experiencing, if even for a moment
Thanks for sharing this. So few people do, but if more of us did, maybe we’d all be less likely to feel like failures when relationships end. Most of us have experienced this kind of loss and know that while your feelings are real and very painful, you are not a failure. Paraphrasing Dan Savage: every relationship will fail, until one doesn’t. Hope things get easier soon and we can help alleviate that isolation you’re experiencing, if even for a moment
Thank you for all you’ve done and continue to do here. Please remember that a relationship ending does not speak to your worth as a person nor does going through a rough patch.
Thank you for all you’ve done and continue to do here. Please remember that a relationship ending does not speak to your worth as a person nor does going through a rough patch.
I think of you and would like to give you the warm feelings I have for you. Since that doesn’t have to be wanted and hard to realise I give you a picture of the original Maske des Meisters as it was in the equivalent of D&D’s Red Box in Germany’s The Dark Eye.
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/05DAy7iVpHEfxMeuVtwbnk_2aWrKf–oyqC9d6Tk_K788UedIZpi8981mCEqHrfSHo4bV_Td7dWRGq3m4lJYw57A29WQS39ssGKq=s0
I think of you and would like to give you the warm feelings I have for you. Since that doesn’t have to be wanted and hard to realise I give you a picture of the original Maske des Meisters as it was in the equivalent of D&D’s Red Box in Germany’s The Dark Eye.
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/zBaJkjG5o_KB6xaIz-7wCboZst9bREzn04HCZeHU4vBO9zCAxOr2wA7t-Pe7xzc3yl74_eYYa4xTrU5Xh7s3RErXgUQP-7pExP-t=s0
Take care of yourself Jason Cordova, people here can hold down the fort. This is a sign of outstanding leadership on your part that I feel, just based on my observations, you’ve surrounded your self with really good people.
Plus you are going to need some time with adding insult to injury by virtue of finding yourself in Oklahoma 😛
Take care of yourself Jason Cordova, people here can hold down the fort. This is a sign of outstanding leadership on your part that I feel, just based on my observations, you’ve surrounded your self with really good people.
Plus you are going to need some time with adding insult to injury by virtue of finding yourself in Oklahoma 😛
That sucks man, hope you feel better soon. the upshot is you have a lot of people who care and are willing to listen.
That sucks man, hope you feel better soon. the upshot is you have a lot of people who care and are willing to listen.
Sounds rough, Jason Cordova. Your feelings of failure are understandable. WRONG, but understandable! Hang in there and you’ll get through this.
We care and we’re listening. It’s time for the community that you helped build, to support YOU!
Sounds rough, Jason Cordova. Your feelings of failure are understandable. WRONG, but understandable! Hang in there and you’ll get through this.
We care and we’re listening. It’s time for the community that you helped build, to support YOU!
I’m sad to hear so Jason. Don’t know you that well, but wish you all happiness! What you have created reignited my long-lost passion and made me meet new wonderful people. Take care and hang in there!
I’m sad to hear so Jason. Don’t know you that well, but wish you all happiness! What you have created reignited my long-lost passion and made me meet new wonderful people. Take care and hang in there!
Here for you, always. Anything you need. Sending positivity and love.
Here for you, always. Anything you need. Sending positivity and love.
I’ve been through two breakups after 5+ year long relationships. It’s really hard, it stays with you for a long time, but I’m happy to say meeting everyone in this community you brought together did help me move on with my life. I hope it can do the same for you.
I’ve been through two breakups after 5+ year long relationships. It’s really hard, it stays with you for a long time, but I’m happy to say meeting everyone in this community you brought together did help me move on with my life. I hope it can do the same for you.
You’re a great person, Jason, and I’m really sorry you’re going through this.
You’re a great person, Jason, and I’m really sorry you’re going through this.
I’m very sorry to hear that you’re going through this. It takes a lot of guts to post this, even to a community as awesome and supportive as The Gauntlet.
In no way am I claiming to know exactly what you’re going through, but I went through something similar to what you’re describing a few years ago. It has been the most difficult period of my life to this point.
You’re getting an incredible outpouring of support here and I’m adding mine to the pile. I’ve only gamed with you a few times, so we’re still acquainted strangers. During and after my divorce there were times when I needed to talk to someone but didn’t want to further burden my family and friends (despite them absolutely being there for me and that they would have welcomed it). If you need a judgement-free, safe stranger to rant to or bounce thoughts off of please contact me. This is not an idle offer. I mean it with all my heart. I know that I could have benefited from something like that.
If you want to take me up on that, fantastic. If not, just know that I care and you have my support.
I’m very sorry to hear that you’re going through this. It takes a lot of guts to post this, even to a community as awesome and supportive as The Gauntlet.
In no way am I claiming to know exactly what you’re going through, but I went through something similar to what you’re describing a few years ago. It has been the most difficult period of my life to this point.
You’re getting an incredible outpouring of support here and I’m adding mine to the pile. I’ve only gamed with you a few times, so we’re still acquainted strangers. During and after my divorce there were times when I needed to talk to someone but didn’t want to further burden my family and friends (despite them absolutely being there for me and that they would have welcomed it). If you need a judgement-free, safe stranger to rant to or bounce thoughts off of please contact me. This is not an idle offer. I mean it with all my heart. I know that I could have benefited from something like that.
If you want to take me up on that, fantastic. If not, just know that I care and you have my support.
My sympathies are with you, for the hard days behind and hard days to come. Please keep communicating, as difficult as it seems, as community is one of the best ways to get through this time of your life.
My sympathies are with you, for the hard days behind and hard days to come. Please keep communicating, as difficult as it seems, as community is one of the best ways to get through this time of your life.
You’ve been core to building up this community here, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with leaning on this community for support. And you certainly aren’t a failure. We’re social creatures, lean into that to help, don’t isolate yourself.
You’ve been core to building up this community here, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with leaning on this community for support. And you certainly aren’t a failure. We’re social creatures, lean into that to help, don’t isolate yourself.
Solidarity, brother. I hope it all works out for the best.
Solidarity, brother. I hope it all works out for the best.
You’ve created and continue to grow an amazing community, I hope we can support you anyway you need.
You’ve created and continue to grow an amazing community, I hope we can support you anyway you need.
I’m really sorry that you are caught in this awful situation. I know it cannot be easy staying with your folks. If there is anything we can do to support you and take the pressure off of you then please let us know.
I’m really sorry that you are caught in this awful situation. I know it cannot be easy staying with your folks. If there is anything we can do to support you and take the pressure off of you then please let us know.
My +1 is just to say that you have a community that loves and supports you.
My +1 is just to say that you have a community that loves and supports you.
I’m so sorry, Jason. These situations are always hard and I know Oklahoma isn’t exactly where you want to be. You are a wonderful person, and I hope you know how very much you are loved. If there is anything I can do, even if it’s just some company to chat with, please feel free to call on me. I have certainly been there and know how difficult it can be.
I’m so sorry, Jason. These situations are always hard and I know Oklahoma isn’t exactly where you want to be. You are a wonderful person, and I hope you know how very much you are loved. If there is anything I can do, even if it’s just some company to chat with, please feel free to call on me. I have certainly been there and know how difficult it can be.
It’s never an easy thing. Hang in there and as you propably know already, your community cares and supports you. Lean on us in this time of need. Un abrazo!
It’s never an easy thing. Hang in there and as you propably know already, your community cares and supports you. Lean on us in this time of need. Un abrazo!
As someone who has been divorced, I’ll echo what Jesse said: I wish I had someone to talk to then so I too am 100% willing to talk if you need someone to talk to. It’s an experience I would wish on no one. If you need me, I’m here for you my friend.
As someone who has been divorced, I’ll echo what Jesse said: I wish I had someone to talk to then so I too am 100% willing to talk if you need someone to talk to. It’s an experience I would wish on no one. If you need me, I’m here for you my friend.
i don’t just play yr games because ilike yr gming, you are a good human and i appreciate yr presence in my life. my life has improved, my stability has increased in no small part due to yr creation of this community, but also the interactions i have had with you personally.
love, respect and solidarity, friend.
i don’t just play yr games because ilike yr gming, you are a good human and i appreciate yr presence in my life. my life has improved, my stability has increased in no small part due to yr creation of this community, but also the interactions i have had with you personally.
love, respect and solidarity, friend.
You’re a good bloke and you build good things. Best of luck working it all out. Always down to help out if I can.
You’re a good bloke and you build good things. Best of luck working it all out. Always down to help out if I can.
It’s never easy. Wish you strength and solace.
It’s never easy. Wish you strength and solace.
Thanks for the kind words, everyone. Yesterday was a pretty rough day, but this outpouring of support goes a long way.
Thanks for the kind words, everyone. Yesterday was a pretty rough day, but this outpouring of support goes a long way.
I’m super late in catching up, but I just wanted to add my support and appreciation to the mix. Thank you for everything you do, Jason, and I’m sorry things are so tough right now! We’re all here for you, and personally, I’m of course around if there’s anything I can do to help. Hope you’re taking care of yourself and there are so many willing to help take care of you, too. Be well, my friend. We’re all here for you.
I’m super late in catching up, but I just wanted to add my support and appreciation to the mix. Thank you for everything you do, Jason, and I’m sorry things are so tough right now! We’re all here for you, and personally, I’m of course around if there’s anything I can do to help. Hope you’re taking care of yourself and there are so many willing to help take care of you, too. Be well, my friend. We’re all here for you.
I’m sorry to hear that Jason! My friend is going through a separation with his wife right now, and I had an 8 year relationship once that ended abruptly, so I feel for you. And though it sucks you can’t be where you want to be, it was neat to hear you are in the same state as me, even though it’s freezing today!
You are a great individual, who has made a great community. And no matter where you end up, I know you’ll keep doing great things. Hang in there!
I’m sorry to hear that Jason! My friend is going through a separation with his wife right now, and I had an 8 year relationship once that ended abruptly, so I feel for you. And though it sucks you can’t be where you want to be, it was neat to hear you are in the same state as me, even though it’s freezing today!
You are a great individual, who has made a great community. And no matter where you end up, I know you’ll keep doing great things. Hang in there!
Thank you for sharing this with us. Like the rest of us, I’m only a hangout/slack message away if you need anything.
Thank you for sharing this with us. Like the rest of us, I’m only a hangout/slack message away if you need anything.