Here is my first attempt at a dungeon starter. What do you think? tell me if you spot any typos. I ran this once for Scott Owen and parrish warren
Some Edits already made with thanks to Ray Otus & Jason Cordova
Here is my first attempt at a dungeon starter.
Here is my first attempt at a dungeon starter.
> Love the general idea. Very cool.
> The impressions are cool. Could you refocus a few of them on scent or touch? You have sound and visuals covered. [Edit. I see the word “sticky,” maybe I missed other queues. Kind of reading fast.]
> The overall concept is fairly linear – hunt and be hunted by the monster. You suggest something else with the voices (or is that the monster?). I would like to see a Custom Move about those to add a second layer to the encounter.
> Typos: “crypts rightful owners” should be “crypt’s rightful owners” and “glenting” should be “glinting.”
> I don’t love the Custom Move because 10+ doesn’t feel like a clear win to me.
> I like what the Sorrow Stone does but I don’t understand it’s logic. Why does it have that effect? It almost sounds organic, BTW. Is it an organ within the monster – like a goat’s bezoar? 🙂
> Your monster is missing/needs moves, something like: drag into maw, swallow whole, erupt from cover.
> Love the general idea. Very cool.
> The impressions are cool. Could you refocus a few of them on scent or touch? You have sound and visuals covered. [Edit. I see the word “sticky,” maybe I missed other queues. Kind of reading fast.]
> The overall concept is fairly linear – hunt and be hunted by the monster. You suggest something else with the voices (or is that the monster?). I would like to see a Custom Move about those to add a second layer to the encounter.
> Typos: “crypts rightful owners” should be “crypt’s rightful owners” and “glenting” should be “glinting.”
> I don’t love the Custom Move because 10+ doesn’t feel like a clear win to me.
> I like what the Sorrow Stone does but I don’t understand it’s logic. Why does it have that effect? It almost sounds organic, BTW. Is it an organ within the monster – like a goat’s bezoar? 🙂
> Your monster is missing/needs moves, something like: drag into maw, swallow whole, erupt from cover.
I found it surprisingly hard to come up with impressions, having originally planed them to take up most of the middle
The monster is something of a ventriloquist. It can talk like a traditional dragon or use other voices to confuse you
I found it surprisingly hard to come up with impressions, having originally planed them to take up most of the middle
The monster is something of a ventriloquist. It can talk like a traditional dragon or use other voices to confuse you
I think sometimes moves should be so risky that even a 10+ has a cost. Like the mage’s cast a spell, 10+ the spell works but you still pick one. I could add a 12+ result that is a clean getaway. I could also remove the obvious good result and just assume you get something on a hit.
Also you can gloss over the move when the monster is defeated
I think sometimes moves should be so risky that even a 10+ has a cost. Like the mage’s cast a spell, 10+ the spell works but you still pick one. I could add a 12+ result that is a clean getaway. I could also remove the obvious good result and just assume you get something on a hit.
Also you can gloss over the move when the monster is defeated
Near the end, for no great reason, It became important for me to fit it on one page so I trimed out some detail on the item and monster moves. I thought the monster moves were suggested elsewhere. The stone was suposed to be radioactive and make your hair fall out, but I like your idea better. Maybe it give you some powers of the gem tyrant. Maybe its a tiny bejeweled egg.
Near the end, for no great reason, It became important for me to fit it on one page so I trimed out some detail on the item and monster moves. I thought the monster moves were suggested elsewhere. The stone was suposed to be radioactive and make your hair fall out, but I like your idea better. Maybe it give you some powers of the gem tyrant. Maybe its a tiny bejeweled egg.
The rewrites are looking better. The monster is getting more awesome the more I look at it and the more you tweak it. Can I suggest a more succinct rewrite, like:
Gem Tyrant 16 HP, 2 Armor
Large, Stealthy, Magical, Intelligent, Hoarder.
Long, ramming tongue (d8 damage, forceful, far, ignores armor), crushing maw (d12+3, near, piercing 1).
The Gem Tyrant collects, eats, and sleeps on gems. It decorates itself and its lair with thousands of glittering stones. The Tyrant is smart! It often allows a single intruder to escape in order to lure back future meals. Additionally, it can call gems back to its lair from far distances with its magical, beguiling voice. Instinct: to deceive. Moves: hide in plain sight, tongue-drag, turn victims against each other with a deal.
Note that I separated the attacks to make them different from each other/more interesting.
The rewrites are looking better. The monster is getting more awesome the more I look at it and the more you tweak it. Can I suggest a more succinct rewrite, like:
Gem Tyrant 16 HP, 2 Armor
Large, Stealthy, Magical, Intelligent, Hoarder.
Long, ramming tongue (d8 damage, forceful, far, ignores armor), crushing maw (d12+3, near, piercing 1).
The Gem Tyrant collects, eats, and sleeps on gems. It decorates itself and its lair with thousands of glittering stones. The Tyrant is smart! It often allows a single intruder to escape in order to lure back future meals. Additionally, it can call gems back to its lair from far distances with its magical, beguiling voice. Instinct: to deceive. Moves: hide in plain sight, tongue-drag, turn victims against each other with a deal.
Note that I separated the attacks to make them different from each other/more interesting.
Your questions should have question marks at the end of them.
Horde is misspelled ‘hord.’
Is the Gem Tyrant the only Gem Tyrant, or are there more gem tyrants? If there are more, you should remove the capitalization.
‘Players’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
Also, you should refer to ‘the party members,’ ‘the characters’ or ‘the player characters,’ and not ‘the players.’ It’s a small thing, but it’s super-annoying.
In general, I like it. I think the questions and impressions are interesting. I could have a lot of fun RP’ing the Gem Tyrant. I’m not sure it’s fleshed-out enough for it to be more than just a single encounter, though. The best dungeon starters hint at all sorts of possibilities. I agree with Ray Otus on the custom move. I think you can leave it as-is, but make it clear the characters do, in fact, get a valuable gem.
Your questions should have question marks at the end of them.
Horde is misspelled ‘hord.’
Is the Gem Tyrant the only Gem Tyrant, or are there more gem tyrants? If there are more, you should remove the capitalization.
‘Players’ shouldn’t be capitalized.
Also, you should refer to ‘the party members,’ ‘the characters’ or ‘the player characters,’ and not ‘the players.’ It’s a small thing, but it’s super-annoying.
In general, I like it. I think the questions and impressions are interesting. I could have a lot of fun RP’ing the Gem Tyrant. I’m not sure it’s fleshed-out enough for it to be more than just a single encounter, though. The best dungeon starters hint at all sorts of possibilities. I agree with Ray Otus on the custom move. I think you can leave it as-is, but make it clear the characters do, in fact, get a valuable gem.
Its basically the classic dragon sleeping on a treasure pile encounter. There is only one Gem Tyrant, though he/she/it may have young. There might be more to do in the dwarven crypt or mountains. certainly hauling around a haul of treasure should lead to difficulties. I’m trying to make a bigger, full adventure starter but thought this one could be done quickly.
Its basically the classic dragon sleeping on a treasure pile encounter. There is only one Gem Tyrant, though he/she/it may have young. There might be more to do in the dwarven crypt or mountains. certainly hauling around a haul of treasure should lead to difficulties. I’m trying to make a bigger, full adventure starter but thought this one could be done quickly.
It’s true. For me this is more of an encounter/extended monster entry than a Dungeon Starter. That’s okay, but if you want it to really be a starter, you need multiple idea seeds in it. While your ideas are good, they all point inward toward the monster. Let your imagination go. What else could live in it’s lair-environment? Weird glittery spiders that break down the goo over time, but are poisonous because they ingest/condense it’s acidity? What political factions might there? Cultists who revere the tyrant, protect it if needed, and help lure meals to it? A wizard somewhere who “made” the tyrant by uplifting a giant lizard? A tribe of boglins or shroom-men that have a crossing tunnel. They have to sprint through to get to the other caverns and the 1 in 10 or so who get eaten are no big loss. Point outward as well – include an item that could trigger a different adventure. An intelligent gem that knows where it came from and will work with the players to get back to its “home.”
It’s true. For me this is more of an encounter/extended monster entry than a Dungeon Starter. That’s okay, but if you want it to really be a starter, you need multiple idea seeds in it. While your ideas are good, they all point inward toward the monster. Let your imagination go. What else could live in it’s lair-environment? Weird glittery spiders that break down the goo over time, but are poisonous because they ingest/condense it’s acidity? What political factions might there? Cultists who revere the tyrant, protect it if needed, and help lure meals to it? A wizard somewhere who “made” the tyrant by uplifting a giant lizard? A tribe of boglins or shroom-men that have a crossing tunnel. They have to sprint through to get to the other caverns and the 1 in 10 or so who get eaten are no big loss. Point outward as well – include an item that could trigger a different adventure. An intelligent gem that knows where it came from and will work with the players to get back to its “home.”
To add more i think i will need a second page.
To add more i think i will need a second page.
I like how it’s shaping-up.
I like how it’s shaping-up.
Shouldn’t the Greed Stone’s entry read “single die” instead of “single dice,” or is Dungeon World one of those systems that uses dice for singular and plural?
Shouldn’t the Greed Stone’s entry read “single die” instead of “single dice,” or is Dungeon World one of those systems that uses dice for singular and plural?
Either is actually correct these days. Blame the evolving language. I prefer “die” for the singular, but it’s no longer an irreproachable hill of grammar upon which one can stand.
Either is actually correct these days. Blame the evolving language. I prefer “die” for the singular, but it’s no longer an irreproachable hill of grammar upon which one can stand.
I guess either works but barbarian appetite use “die” so I will change it. Good catch
I guess either works but barbarian appetite use “die” so I will change it. Good catch
Two things I really liked about it were:
1- You have an excellent excuse (should things go really bad) not to have a TPK because the Tyrant will let, at least, one party member escape.
2- At first, I thought the bad result of a 10+ roll for trying to pull a gem free was unfair but now I think it’s a delightful way to keep the party from getting fixated on the surroundings.
Two things I really liked about it were:
1- You have an excellent excuse (should things go really bad) not to have a TPK because the Tyrant will let, at least, one party member escape.
2- At first, I thought the bad result of a 10+ roll for trying to pull a gem free was unfair but now I think it’s a delightful way to keep the party from getting fixated on the surroundings.