I wanted to get some input from the community on some magic items and custom moves I am working on. They are for a front involving a witch and a tower. You may pick up on what it is based on from a couple of the following:
Magic Items
Braid of the Lost Sacrifice
Within the tower, in a neat coil under the lone window, rests the long, golden hair of the girl who escaped the tower. Other than retaining its shine and softness, the coil of hair is enchanted by the magic spell that aged the girl to which it belonged. It will not break, no matter how heavy something suspended by it may be. It can be used as a rope, however, the hair can still be cut as easily by a sharp edge as your own.
Coveting Mirror
A hand held mirror made of ornate gold. When you hold the mirror up and look at something reflected in it, if that reflection contains the object of your desires, it will produce a glow within the reflection. The object of your desires is whatever you want the most and the mirror will show a glow even if that object is hidden within a container or behind something solid.
Custom Moves
Tower Dive
When you fall from the tower, roll+CON. On a 10+ you land in the tangle of vines, taking minor scrapes and scratches. You take 1d4 damage and gain the Scarred condition if you try to move out of the vines on your own. On a 7-9, you land in the vines, but they refuse to let you go. Take 1d8 damage and if you try to move out of the vines on your own, they will take something from you (your weapon, your sight, an ear, etc). The GM will tell you what.
A Ritual Fulfilled
When you sacrifice the innocent girl under the full moon’s light, roll+CHA. On a 10+ you drain away her youth, restoring you and any injuries, lost limbs or other impairments back to the state you were in when you came of age. On a 7-9 the same, but you become haunted by the spirit of the girl. The GM will decide when and how this haunting will effect you, though nightmares and catching glimpses of her image are common occurrences regardless.
Also, when you look at a front that someone else designed, would you rather they just list the description and the dangers, or do you like having the cast and stakes included? Would it be better if the cast is general, like “The town mayor, the historian, the abducted girl” or more specific, like “Alduin, the mayor of Haverbrook, Dwindle, the town historian, Alice, the abducted girl”?
Is it… West Side Story? I’ll bet it’s West Side Story.
I like the items. They’re simple, but present an intriguing variety of uses. Just what I like in a magic item.
A Ritual Fulfilled is horrific, but it does what it sets out to do and I don’t see anything wrong with it on that level. Though I’d personally skip the roll and stick straight to the 7-9 result, so you get the “blood magic always has its costs” theme; coming out of human sacrifice smelling like a rose seems kinda weak.
I’m not sure about Tower Dive. The 7-9 result is interesting, but the 10+ feels pretty flat. Piddly damage and a specific debility just lacks fire somehow, and I’m against having bad results on a 10+ on principle anyway.
I think listing the stakes and cast would be helpful. Better critiques can happen when the reader is aware of what kind of situation and mood you’re looking to create.
Is it… West Side Story? I’ll bet it’s West Side Story.
I like the items. They’re simple, but present an intriguing variety of uses. Just what I like in a magic item.
A Ritual Fulfilled is horrific, but it does what it sets out to do and I don’t see anything wrong with it on that level. Though I’d personally skip the roll and stick straight to the 7-9 result, so you get the “blood magic always has its costs” theme; coming out of human sacrifice smelling like a rose seems kinda weak.
I’m not sure about Tower Dive. The 7-9 result is interesting, but the 10+ feels pretty flat. Piddly damage and a specific debility just lacks fire somehow, and I’m against having bad results on a 10+ on principle anyway.
I think listing the stakes and cast would be helpful. Better critiques can happen when the reader is aware of what kind of situation and mood you’re looking to create.
James Etheridge Yeah the tower dive is a little weird, since as they are worded, the effects only happen when you try to get out on your own. If someone assists you then its implied that the bad stuff doesn’t happen (other than the 1d8 damage on a 7-9). I do like A Ritual Fulfilled and agree with what you are saying. I guess I was thinking of it from the fact that the witch is the one actually trying to complete the ritual. She automatically gets the 10+ effect if she does, but I guess a witch wouldn’t care about some ghost haunting her. Or she would use her magic to banish the spirit away somewhere. I think I will make it just give the person all of the results without the need for a roll. Normal people should feel guilty about something that evil. Or at least annoyed by it until they find a way to get rid of the ghost lol
James Etheridge Yeah the tower dive is a little weird, since as they are worded, the effects only happen when you try to get out on your own. If someone assists you then its implied that the bad stuff doesn’t happen (other than the 1d8 damage on a 7-9). I do like A Ritual Fulfilled and agree with what you are saying. I guess I was thinking of it from the fact that the witch is the one actually trying to complete the ritual. She automatically gets the 10+ effect if she does, but I guess a witch wouldn’t care about some ghost haunting her. Or she would use her magic to banish the spirit away somewhere. I think I will make it just give the person all of the results without the need for a roll. Normal people should feel guilty about something that evil. Or at least annoyed by it until they find a way to get rid of the ghost lol